There are people in life that just come along and are put there to try to steal your joy. I have faced this many times in life. If i were to count how many times.. it would actually take me a good while.
Yesterday i was faced with a devil and it wasn't pretty. I stand clear of making anyone mad at me. I am a servant. I try to make a good standing with everyone and i know you can't make everyone happy and that is the truth. you know what though.. that is on them. well what had happened was the person didn't even know what was even going on and they attacked me and one other person. How could they do that!??! It was not an escalated situation and they turned it into "I'm going to murder you!" kind of situation. Which they accused me of having a problem with someone and that wasn't even the case!! Also that i was not to go to someone to gossip to. Which was not even the case one bit!! I was only looking for someone to help me get some keys to get some supplies because of a prior situation!!
I was attacked verbally and had fingers in my face! How dare I!? This is what i was told.. . are you serious?! How dare them! For not even knowing a situation they come to me and make it something it was not. People that who are to stand there as your brothers and sisters to band together against evil and they become the dreadful demons we are fighting! I couldn't believe anything i heard or saw, all i could do was control myself and walked away from the situation and later accept an apology that had nothing to do with the incident. How could they do that? How could they stoop so low as to become something they were to overcome? I understand we are all human we make mistakes but to become a ravenous vulture and come at me with accusations and threats. That puzzles me so much!
Just like my dad would tell.. " you can only control you, you be the change and maybe people will follow" well dad i miss you and wish i could talk to you. You were there to give such awesome wisdom; stuff way beyond me.
I wont let people take my joy, i can stand taller today because i have overcome and i did not backlash! I can stand here and truly say I have grown! I have grown to someone i love and would love people to see in action. No longer am I this violent being and not to take peoples crap but to be the bigger person and be the one with fewer words!
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
It's been awhile..
It's been a while since I step foot in this place.. things have been for the worse.. can you believe it's been a year since I played out my emotions here?
Let's start with last year, around this time..
last year around Oct 18 2013; approximately. . We moved in with my father, who's health was failing drastically thanks to cancer. We spent our Hallows eve there, my father wanted to give his grandsons the best Halloween ever. ( even though we don't celebrate it ) we did costumes, we did walking and begging for candy ( lol ). They had their fun..
but also let me tell you.. my father's so called "wife" is leaving him at this time. she says she is leaving, she doesn't want to deal with this anymore. That I am to blame.. that I drove her away, that I the daughter that was taking care of my sick father from day in and day out, til sunrise to sunset! I caused her to move out?? I highly believe that... when I had never, in her entire marriage to my father did I ever converse with this person! She leaves finally.. my father is now stressed more than ever.. he explains to me that she told him that she had someone new and NOT SICK, that she had her own place to look forward to and that she was "f----n" tired of all the harassment and all the lies and all the "f----n" embarrassment. .. are you serious you had the nerve to tell my father that after all he had done for her and she took everything that he ever did for her for granted?? She had to daughters that completely brought down the reputation of this house and the name of which my father upheld a certain standard..
November 2013
Thanksgiving has come and dad no longer wants to eat or converse.. he has become too tired, he has become week and overly stressed with pass things.. dad takes a fall and his back is hurting him.. there is nothing the doctors can do they say.. my dad has accepted his fate.. begins to ask me about my faith in God, we pray.. I lead him to Christ with the "sinners prayer".. we read the bible at night.. he always make sure to tell each and everyone of us that he loves us very much.
We have a very heart felt conversation one night he was feeling pretty good. He told me reasons why he wanted me to have his home, reasons why he chose me to be beneficiary for different things.. his last words to me.. "Always".
December 2013
Dad is actively passing away.. there is family everywhere.. people are coming from all over to say their last good byes.
Then evil strikes.. she, that she devil wants to come by and "make peace with her self" of how she left my father. We fight it but yet she sends in a woman that claims to know my father and uses that to her advantage. . ( mind you at this point my father can no longer converse or walk or even open his eyes at this point). The woman comes in and states to the she devil and the police that my father is calling out for the she devil?? No he did not! He couldn't even tell us he loved us at this point and there were people in the room when this treacherous witch was "visiting" my father. No way, no how.. we win this battle of course.. but Dad did not.. that same day the devil was showing it's evil nasty face, my father lost his battle with cancer.
The funeral
it was a beautiful day, but cold and clear in the skies.. we send my father off in a traditional way.. the bird singers sang all day n night.. we danced for our father the best we knew how.. its still dark early in the morning we bring my father out to the family burial site.. he is cremated ascending over the western skies beautiful place he is headed, with the ancestors... we wait a few days to bury the ashes.. everything was burned and everything pretty much in place...
I miss him so much.. I dont know what to do anymore.. these pills and counselors are not helping? How long will this take? Have I fully grieved.. have I held back.. why does every little things make me cry.. why can't it be just as it should be.. done and gone? I just want him back.. which I know won't happen... but I don't know how to sort out these emotions.. these feelings.. I need help..
Let's start with last year, around this time..
last year around Oct 18 2013; approximately. . We moved in with my father, who's health was failing drastically thanks to cancer. We spent our Hallows eve there, my father wanted to give his grandsons the best Halloween ever. ( even though we don't celebrate it ) we did costumes, we did walking and begging for candy ( lol ). They had their fun..
but also let me tell you.. my father's so called "wife" is leaving him at this time. she says she is leaving, she doesn't want to deal with this anymore. That I am to blame.. that I drove her away, that I the daughter that was taking care of my sick father from day in and day out, til sunrise to sunset! I caused her to move out?? I highly believe that... when I had never, in her entire marriage to my father did I ever converse with this person! She leaves finally.. my father is now stressed more than ever.. he explains to me that she told him that she had someone new and NOT SICK, that she had her own place to look forward to and that she was "f----n" tired of all the harassment and all the lies and all the "f----n" embarrassment. .. are you serious you had the nerve to tell my father that after all he had done for her and she took everything that he ever did for her for granted?? She had to daughters that completely brought down the reputation of this house and the name of which my father upheld a certain standard..
November 2013
Thanksgiving has come and dad no longer wants to eat or converse.. he has become too tired, he has become week and overly stressed with pass things.. dad takes a fall and his back is hurting him.. there is nothing the doctors can do they say.. my dad has accepted his fate.. begins to ask me about my faith in God, we pray.. I lead him to Christ with the "sinners prayer".. we read the bible at night.. he always make sure to tell each and everyone of us that he loves us very much.
We have a very heart felt conversation one night he was feeling pretty good. He told me reasons why he wanted me to have his home, reasons why he chose me to be beneficiary for different things.. his last words to me.. "Always".
December 2013
Dad is actively passing away.. there is family everywhere.. people are coming from all over to say their last good byes.
Then evil strikes.. she, that she devil wants to come by and "make peace with her self" of how she left my father. We fight it but yet she sends in a woman that claims to know my father and uses that to her advantage. . ( mind you at this point my father can no longer converse or walk or even open his eyes at this point). The woman comes in and states to the she devil and the police that my father is calling out for the she devil?? No he did not! He couldn't even tell us he loved us at this point and there were people in the room when this treacherous witch was "visiting" my father. No way, no how.. we win this battle of course.. but Dad did not.. that same day the devil was showing it's evil nasty face, my father lost his battle with cancer.
The funeral
it was a beautiful day, but cold and clear in the skies.. we send my father off in a traditional way.. the bird singers sang all day n night.. we danced for our father the best we knew how.. its still dark early in the morning we bring my father out to the family burial site.. he is cremated ascending over the western skies beautiful place he is headed, with the ancestors... we wait a few days to bury the ashes.. everything was burned and everything pretty much in place...
I miss him so much.. I dont know what to do anymore.. these pills and counselors are not helping? How long will this take? Have I fully grieved.. have I held back.. why does every little things make me cry.. why can't it be just as it should be.. done and gone? I just want him back.. which I know won't happen... but I don't know how to sort out these emotions.. these feelings.. I need help..
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