There are people in life that just come along and are put there to try to steal your joy. I have faced this many times in life. If i were to count how many times.. it would actually take me a good while.
Yesterday i was faced with a devil and it wasn't pretty. I stand clear of making anyone mad at me. I am a servant. I try to make a good standing with everyone and i know you can't make everyone happy and that is the truth. you know what though.. that is on them. well what had happened was the person didn't even know what was even going on and they attacked me and one other person. How could they do that!??! It was not an escalated situation and they turned it into "I'm going to murder you!" kind of situation. Which they accused me of having a problem with someone and that wasn't even the case!! Also that i was not to go to someone to gossip to. Which was not even the case one bit!! I was only looking for someone to help me get some keys to get some supplies because of a prior situation!!
I was attacked verbally and had fingers in my face! How dare I!? This is what i was told.. . are you serious?! How dare them! For not even knowing a situation they come to me and make it something it was not. People that who are to stand there as your brothers and sisters to band together against evil and they become the dreadful demons we are fighting! I couldn't believe anything i heard or saw, all i could do was control myself and walked away from the situation and later accept an apology that had nothing to do with the incident. How could they do that? How could they stoop so low as to become something they were to overcome? I understand we are all human we make mistakes but to become a ravenous vulture and come at me with accusations and threats. That puzzles me so much!
Just like my dad would tell.. " you can only control you, you be the change and maybe people will follow" well dad i miss you and wish i could talk to you. You were there to give such awesome wisdom; stuff way beyond me.
I wont let people take my joy, i can stand taller today because i have overcome and i did not backlash! I can stand here and truly say I have grown! I have grown to someone i love and would love people to see in action. No longer am I this violent being and not to take peoples crap but to be the bigger person and be the one with fewer words!
Showing posts with label Heavenly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heavenly. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Despondency
I don't know whether or not I should be saying some things, because I am mad and don't like people as much as i like cold steak...
I can't seem to grasp this whole love your enemies thing.. it stabs in the in the heart to see these people fake that they are pretending to be there for my father.. it just makes me so angry!! I don't see why they come around and fake that that are trying to help or even feel sorry for him.. since when? they never came around before and then disrespecting his house, and his land! Don't they know who their mother is married too? We are a Native people and we have more respect to our families even if we fight and hurt each other.. it's a prevalent thing for us.. i don't know.. But they made me ever so mad than i had been before.. i started to cry, not because i was sad.. but because i was so mad!! She kept talking and saying things to the doctor and to the nurses that came to assist my father.. and i kept saying why are you talking!? Why are you still talking?! And WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE!!?? Theg get under my skin is all and i can't stand it.. and to say they are someone to my father!? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT HIS WIFE'S KIDS, AND NOTHING MORE!! This is MY father, MY dad, MY BIOLOGICAL PARENT!!
wrapping my head around things takes a while because i go through every detail a lot of options and then put out the what if's and the what could be's.. I don't try to be so complicated, but when i think, i think i am fixing the matter but i am only making it worse.. I tried to learn how to let things go, but i am still praying for deliverance from that.. I was going to say though was that, they want to all this stuff for my dad and they want to take him here have him cut open here but if he responds to something else they want to cut there... and may not here, but over there.. then clap this here and have that there.. but temporarily.. I can see how hurt my dad is and how tired he is and he can not seem to sleep well either while he is in the God forsaken hospital bed.. I wish i could just make everything ok for him again!! I don't want to question God and ask why Lord.. why has my father come to this, a pile of cancer.. and nothing more than that? Is there anything I can do?! I pray everyday for him to get well, to be better and to have the life he once had going to work and being on the road and going where ever he wanted? I miss that.. now my dad is sitting in a bed almost 24/7 and is tired all the time.. I don't want to blame that on God, because he knows what he is doing.. Because, "Whatever You're doing inside of me, It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace It's hard to surrender to what I can't see But I'm giving in to something Heavenly "..." You're up to something, bigger than me! Larger than life, something heavenly! Something Heavenly!"- Sanctus Real
I can't seem to grasp this whole love your enemies thing.. it stabs in the in the heart to see these people fake that they are pretending to be there for my father.. it just makes me so angry!! I don't see why they come around and fake that that are trying to help or even feel sorry for him.. since when? they never came around before and then disrespecting his house, and his land! Don't they know who their mother is married too? We are a Native people and we have more respect to our families even if we fight and hurt each other.. it's a prevalent thing for us.. i don't know.. But they made me ever so mad than i had been before.. i started to cry, not because i was sad.. but because i was so mad!! She kept talking and saying things to the doctor and to the nurses that came to assist my father.. and i kept saying why are you talking!? Why are you still talking?! And WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE!!?? Theg get under my skin is all and i can't stand it.. and to say they are someone to my father!? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT HIS WIFE'S KIDS, AND NOTHING MORE!! This is MY father, MY dad, MY BIOLOGICAL PARENT!!
wrapping my head around things takes a while because i go through every detail a lot of options and then put out the what if's and the what could be's.. I don't try to be so complicated, but when i think, i think i am fixing the matter but i am only making it worse.. I tried to learn how to let things go, but i am still praying for deliverance from that.. I was going to say though was that, they want to all this stuff for my dad and they want to take him here have him cut open here but if he responds to something else they want to cut there... and may not here, but over there.. then clap this here and have that there.. but temporarily.. I can see how hurt my dad is and how tired he is and he can not seem to sleep well either while he is in the God forsaken hospital bed.. I wish i could just make everything ok for him again!! I don't want to question God and ask why Lord.. why has my father come to this, a pile of cancer.. and nothing more than that? Is there anything I can do?! I pray everyday for him to get well, to be better and to have the life he once had going to work and being on the road and going where ever he wanted? I miss that.. now my dad is sitting in a bed almost 24/7 and is tired all the time.. I don't want to blame that on God, because he knows what he is doing.. Because, "Whatever You're doing inside of me, It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace It's hard to surrender to what I can't see But I'm giving in to something Heavenly "..." You're up to something, bigger than me! Larger than life, something heavenly! Something Heavenly!"- Sanctus Real
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