I do everything all by myself, no one to help no one to lend a hand.. no one there to hold my hand, or even to take the wheel.. I walk and do as i please and no one can get in my way... But sometimes i wish there was someone there to help me.
I have been doing all this by myself, i have been making appointments keeping them and changing them and making sure we have everything together. I don't know what to do anymore.. i feel like a mess.. my head hurts all the time and i feel like i can't sleep. I feel like i have neglected everything dear to me. But i also don't wanna leave my dad and something happen to him.. I just wanna be able to go home and be refreshed and do it all again. But then there is always something else there that bothers me.
Not being able to hold my own makes me afraid and there is nothing i can do. I feel like screaming and not stopping i feel like scratch at my face my arms and pulling out my hair.. i feel like there are things that are just poking and prodding at me.. and there nothing i can do about it.. even though i can do something about, i know that i wont get down to it cause the way i feel..
Why don't i have anyone to talk to? Why don't i have friends? Why don't i keep friends? Why don't people understand what i am going through.. or even if they havent been in my shoes at least listen just a little while. I keep telling myself i don't need anyone and that i will be ok, but i am really not ok. I am not ok i know i am not i dont need money for rent, for my phone and food for my children..thats the only thing, but everything has spiraled down from here... and there is nothing that i can do about it.. the people that said i was going to get paid have done nothing to get me the paper work to get me paid.. everything is just a mess..
i am just babbling and i don't mean to, but i have no one i could relate to..
