Zoloft

I guess you will be my only friend from here on out..

 I never wanted to meet you, i didn't even wanna hear your name be spoken.. 

Why have you chosen me? Why was there even a reason for you to even show your ugly face.. To have you have to hold my hand every waking hour of my life for now..

 I will get over you and never have to see you again.. 

I pray this will all get better and you wouldn't even be near to ruin things!

 I HATE YOU!!

what is there more to do????

I don't know what more to do.. i go and see my dad everyday i help him with everything... i drive him around and i take care of everything he cant do for himself. I am so stressed.. i cry most of the time i am not with my dad.. and i am so afraid that i am not going to be there when he needs me most.. There are people there that are with him.. and i don't know what else i am worried about.. it's like one minute i am ok.. the next i am mad.. the next i am crying my eyes out and don't know why sometimes.. I can't watch certain movies that i used to watch.. that i found so fun to watch.. then i  find out that it has something to do with cancer.. and i didn't think that i would be so sensitive to it.. it's like anything triggers everything in me.. i am trying to be strong i am trying to be a good daughter and help him as much as i can.. i don't wanna not be with him.. i am just so scared that he will be in so much pain and call for me and i am no where to be found.. i don't know how to deal with this i thought i could be good at coping with this because i have Jesus in my life.. but it is like the more i pray the more hurt i get because i don't know what will happen.. But i know i am just rambling on but i don't have anyone really to talk to.. i have my husband and family but sometimes i can't just open to them and just let everything out.. and it is just repetitive every time i talk and i know no one wants to hear what i had already cried about..  today seems like the worst day ever,... i don't know why. and i have a feeling my dad knows more then what he is telling us.. or even the nurses and doctors..

i don't know what to do.. i need more help and i don't know where to get it.. or how to understand any of it.. i don't wanna ask why.. but i just wonder why.. why my dad.. why now.. and why us? It's all in God's hands now and there is nothing i can do to change that..